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The 8 Reasons Santa Needs to Be on Facebook

The Christmas season is upon us, and with that comes reflection on the past year.  2013 has seen Facebook capture the attention of more people than ever before: there are approximately 1.2 billion of us on Facebook, which is very fortunate for all of us who want to connect with families, colleagues and friends. But it’s also very fortunate for one big, bearded, jolly red-suited guy.

Yes, I’m talking about Santa Claus. With 1.2 billion users, Santa would benefit hugely from joining Facebook and networking with the world.  Facebook is the perfect source of business intelligence for Santa.  Here’s why:

Gift Research

Forget about the bulky sweaters your grandma always gives you. With Santa on Facebook, he would instantly know what companies and products you like. Combine this knowledge with all the links that you liked during the year, and you can expect to get the gifts that you truly want!
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Reindeer Oversight

Is Rudolf out partying the day before Christmas?  With that red nose, it’s hard to tell what he’s hiding… and are the reindeer complaining about crunch time?  With Facebook, Santa could easily check on all his reindeer and make sure that they’re  taking the necessary precautions before the big day.

Of course, reindeer don’t have opposable thumbs.  But the elves do, and they’re merciless about party-photo tagging.

Instant weather reports

In the U.S. alone, Santa has over 75 million homes to get to in one night. Needless to say, Santa doesn’t have time for weather delays. By following all the local news pages, Santa can get all the local weather reports he needs to find the fastest sleigh route.

Scheduled Holiday Greetings

It’s very stressful to be Santa. You have to deliver millions of gifts and, at the same time, send out Ho-ho-holiday greetings to friends and family.  Thanks to the ability to schedule posts, this will no longer be a problem for Santa. By scheduling all his greetings, he can make sure that everyone gets their salutations on time, while he spends all night delivering gifts.

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Updated Contact Information

Having a current address book on all of the 378 million children out there is a bit of a challenge. But thanks to Facebook, Santa could use Graph Search in order to find everyone’s addresses in order to ensure that each gift ends up in the correct chimney.

He Knows When You’re Awake

Timing is everything, and Santa’s air of mystery is a central part of being Santa.  With Facebook, Santa could build up a huge network and, thanks to the Ticker, he’d be able to see when you’re active on Facebook and when you’re not. By figuring out when you’re awake and when you’re asleep, Santa can make sure he heads down your chimney when you’re in the Land of Nod.

Outsourcing for Sweet Deals

There are over 378 million children in the world waiting on Santa gifts, and the elves can’t always keep up on the production line. With an average of 2 gifts per child and $10 per gift, Santa needs to spend about 8 billion dollars on presents. Needless to say, that is a lot of money – even for a jolly old fat guy with an enslaved army of manufacturing elves. By being on Facebook, Santa could follow all his favourite stores through the whole year and see when all these stories have discounts and special prices.

He Knows if You’ve Been Bad or Good

By paying attention to his activity feed, Santa would know if you’ve been half-naked twerking on a big stage for the world to see, trying to figure out what the fox says or chilling between two giant trucks to the sounds of Enya.  With all that information, Santa would definitely know what you’ve been doing this year and it would very easy decide if you’ve been good or bad.  (Hopefully, Miley Cyrus likes coal.  Van Damme, you get some sparkly earmuffs.)

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Happy Christmas!

So if you’re dropping a note to Santa this year, you might tell him that there are eight good reasons as to why Santa needs to be on Facebook, and give him a little primer in Facebook strategy to start to connect with the world.

I want to wish all of you fellow Facebook Marketers a Happy Christmas, from Sweden and beyond!  I hope that you’ve enjoyed my posts about Facebook marketing, and that you had a great year promoting your business on Facebook.  May 2014 give you even more opportunities!

 

Image cred: 9GAGGeorge Metzger.

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